Dear Mr. Potential President, Do Not EVER Change Your Mind…

…about anything, ever. If you do, we will infectiously label you “flip-flopper.”

We will call you “inconsistent as hell.”

We will shout epithets at you, as you bathe in your indecisiveness.

We will light torches and march through the streets with chains and throw flip-flops at your campaign headquarters. Now, we know this sounds quite stupid and silly, but we will do it! We trust you to stick your word and never ever change it, even if you are presented with a set of facts that so inclines you to make a different educated decision about these facts. Yet, we cautiously use the word different because we really don’t want you to do anything differently. Mr. Potential President (MPP), you must understand that this campaign is about consistency. We are not going to vote you into office without it. Please excuse us for saying this, but MPP, we just know more about this presidential thing than you do– .I mean, you’re not exactly appointed into office. We put you there, and we can take you out. So, you either stick to your word and do what you promised you’d do or you can just kiss that oval office’s ass goodbye.

Honestly,

Your informed voting public

P.S. Yes, the “change we can believe in” slogan is cool and catchy, but please note that this change thing is only on a conditional basis, dude.

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Election-obsessed as I failingly try not be, I’ve found myself on the verge of puking every time I hear the word “flip-flop.” The news touts the word like a young child who’s just learned to say the word “mom.” But, at least I have the power to turn away from flippety-flop nonsense (which a lot of it is) and the sense to delve into what this flip-flop business really means. Oh, and thank god I’m not only who thinks every flip isn’t a flop.

[ "The downside to flip-flop politics is making politicians reluctant to change course lest they be exposed to accusations of spinelessness." - Ruth Marcus, The Washington Post ]

Let thou who hast remained the most consistent and hast committed thy least flippety-flops please cast the first stone. Well, you know what I mean. Really, though. Someone please give me a long list of the benefits of having an inflexible president- a president who desires never to appropriately negotiate, a president who will never change his mind, and a president who urges us to stay the course. Now, hot damn that sounds familiar!

So, Obama has “flip-flopped” on his decision to public-finance and he has “flip-flopped” on his stance on FISA. Now, in the past I might have had said WTFC (who the expletive cares) to this issue but obviously these issues are super important so I won’t be so ignorant and rude.

Initially, I must admit that I was pretty pissed about Obama’s decision to skip out on public financing- what he calls a “broken system” in the arena of presidential campaigns. Why? Because maybe I thought for a second (and perhaps still do on my worse days) that Obama can lose the presidential election if he doesn’t do everything in his blood to keep the upper hand of this campaign– meaning that Obama should opt for any effing thing that’s going to give him the most support…er…money. When Obama made that announcement, I know plenty of us shouted furiously at the television like we had just lost a game of Wii Tennis. Then, lo and behold we (meaning- the media and those who even frickin’ care about the issue) began the infectious “flip-flop” labeling, that is, until we understood that Obama’s decision to skip the pubfin “frees him to continue his record-shattering, Internet-driven fund-raising until November – and probably to outspend McCain by a vast amount.” Doh! So, Obama made a flip that has yet to flop. Hmm..let’s medidate on this grasshoppa.’

So on to this FISA thing…hold on while I take a deep breath…Okay so I don’t think I even have the patience to break the FISA thing down, but here goes:

FISA Government Speak = We want to protect the American public from terrorists here and abroad just by simply listening to some of their phone conversations here and there. That’s all.

FISA Average American Citizen Speak = The government wants to be all up in our business and legally eavesdrop on ALL of our phone conversations and they are gonna give all the phone companies permission to do so. This means that even if we are jokingly talking about “terrorists,” “bombs,” “the middle east,” and “plane hijacking,” there is a high chance that the FBI could bum rush us at any time. ((Two snaps!))

Obama is running for the position of P-r-e-s-i-d-e-n-t of the U-n-i-t-e-d S-t-a-t-e-s. His support of the FISA legislation does not surprise me at all. I mean he even emphasized that he support the FISA “compromise” which means, “Hey, yall. I know this is gonna piss a lot of people off but I’m trying to protect you from TERRORISTS here! Duuh! I mean I am PRO-government. No I don’t want to give the telecom folks permission to “spy” on you, but hey, whose running for president again? Oh, that’s right. Me, not you.” Well, you know what I mean, but not in that ass-holish type tone.

In any case, flip-flop labeling is like so totally wrong, you know ((twirling hair and smacking gum)), and I think we’ve all had enough…